Finding Our Way Read online

  “You had me alone the first day here.”

  “Yeah, but after you ditched me on the slope and Bryce found you back here. There’s always been someone around.”

  “Well, what’s up?”

  “Are you okay? I mean with Bryce being here and being around him for the first time in so long. Are you holding up?”

  “Absolutely. I finally let it all go. The emotions of a young girl took over and I allowed them to guide my decisions for far too long. It’s fine. I’m fine. Promise.”

  “I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you about the break-up. We all thought it was best that you didn’t know at first. Then I decided to see what Bryce was going to do. It was his life.”

  “What do you mean we all thought it was best?”

  “Dev, you may have thought it was slick to up and change your college and life plans in the blink of an eye, but it was also transparent. It took me a little longer to catch on and then I wanted to fucking kill him. But he had enough shit to deal with. I gave Mom and Dad updates in case they wanted to share how bad it was with you, but they didn’t. You finally started showing signs of letting him go and moving on. Mom said she felt like she was betraying you but she didn’t want to bring false hope until Bryce cut all ties.

  “When he came back to campus after last summer, he was a changed man. Determined, driven. He told me exactly what his revelation was about you and he apologized. Then he told me how he felt. That’s why I encouraged you to talk to him, but otherwise stayed out of it. He knew he fucked up. Even though he’s my best friend and I knew he was going crazy trying to talk to you, my loyalties were with you. He asked me numerous times to intervene, but I refused. This whole trip, with his family, was his idea. I tried to discourage it, not knowing your reaction, but Mom told me to leave it alone. It was time to see how things would go.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, wow. Mom is a romantic at heart and wants hearts and flowers everywhere. I’m pretty sure the world isn’t filled with unicorns and rainbows, but she still believes. The last few days, a piece of the old Devon returned, but it’s new and improved.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you’ve grown, but yet, still young at heart and goofy.”

  He stops talking when Bryce walks back in and they decide on a movie. The couch is a huge sectional so each guy takes an end and stretches out, while I lie in the middle. Several times, I’m startled and jump, kicking Bryce in the ribs. After the third time, he grabs my ankles and puts my feet in his lap. It doesn’t take long before I fall asleep.

  “Babe, wake up? I have to move.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Devon, seriously, your dad will be up soon. I need to go to my room.”

  I snuggle further into the warm arms that wrap around me and sigh. Then I go stiff. What is that poking into my hip?

  “Yeah, babe, that’s one of the reasons, I need to go to my own room. If your dad sees us and then sees my hard on, he’ll kill me.”

  I move away slowly and look up to see Bryce’s face only inches from mine. There’s no time to react before he leans in and brushes his lips against mine, then jumps up and disappears. I roll back over and wonder if it was a dream.

  Chapter 4

  As I suspected, shopping with my mom was a set-up. As soon as we were far away enough from Sheila, she drilled me. I didn’t give her every detail of my plane conversation but I did tell her the most important parts. Then I told her about Quinn’s advice.

  She told me basically the same thing Nate did and then surprised me by tearing up.

  “What the hell, Mom?”

  “Baby, I don’t know all the details, but I hope you can open your heart again. Maybe this time there will be a different ending.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “I think Bryce is ready for you. It took him a while to know it, and it took him losing you to know how much you mean to him.”

  “Okay, match.com. Let’s take things slow here. I’m just getting used to being his friend again.”

  She nods and drops the subject. The three of us go into almost every little shop in the village. We’re sitting in a coffee shop chatting when my phone goes crazy. Text message and email alerts sound as it rings. Quinn’s face pops up on the screen.

  “Hey!”

  “Have you checked your email?” she screams.

  “Not in a few days, why?”

  “Oh my God! Do you remember the pieces we did for World Journalism?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, the professor sent us both a message about them. He wants to submit the stories and the photos to a local show. The judges will pick fifteen winners and send them on to a museum, for an exhibit, in Washington, D.C. He thinks we both have a chance at placing!!!”

  “Are you kidding???”

  “No, open your email, read it, and call me back.” She hangs up and I scroll through my messages.

  My mom and Sheila bounce excitedly in their chairs when I read the email. Apparently the deadline is tonight so I respond to my professor immediately with permission to enter my work and call Quinn back. She does the same.

  Excitement bubbles up inside me as I realize what a big deal this could be. Photo Journalism is my dream and an opportunity like this will be great for my resume.

  The three of us are still chatting non-stop when we get back to the condo where the guys are waiting on us. My dad pops some champagne when he hears and Nate hugs me tight. Bryce surprises me by picking me up and spinning me around the room with his head buried in my neck. When he sets me down, the look of pride gives me chills.

  We celebrate all night and even call Quinn on speakerphone so everyone can congratulate her. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve so we doubt any submission will be reviewed for at least a few days, but even being considered is awesome.

  When everyone goes to bed, I lay in my room daydreaming. This vacation has turned out better than I could have imagined. My door opens slowly and Bryce slips in quietly. Our eyes meet and he smiles widely.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Coming to bed.”

  “In here?”

  “Yep.”

  He slides in next to me and pulls me close. “I can’t sleep down the hall knowing you’re so close. It’s driving me crazy. You belong in my arms.”

  “Bryce, what’s happening here?”

  “Right now or big picture?”

  “Both. I’m really confused. I told you, we’re good. We’re friends again.”

  A flash of disappointment crosses his face. “Right now, we’re going to sleep. I’m going to hold you all-night and sneak out in the morning. Big picture is still a little blurry. I’ll have more answers for you closer to my graduation. But the end result is you in my life. I know there’s a lot of ground to cover and there’s a lot to do to heal your wounds, but I’m going to do it. And in the end, we’ll be a lot more than friends.”

  “That’s a lot of presumptions on your part. I’m a different person now, not the girl that worships the ground you walk on anymore.”

  “That’s a good thing. When I looked back and realized I didn’t want a life without you, I decided it was time to worship the ground you walk on. And it’s going to be fun getting to know the new Devon. I suspect she is a lot of the same but now with more sass.”

  I stay quiet and think about all he just said. “Bryce?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “Is this big picture of yours a long term strategy? Maybe something I should know more about?”

  “Yes, it’s a long term strategy and I’ll tell you more when I can.”

  “I have a date.”

  His body goes rigid and he rolls us so he is half on top of me. “Excuse me?”

  “When we get back from the Orange Bowl in January. I have a date. Not sure why I’m telling you, but some of the things you are saying have me so confused. You sound possessive and determined to have me in your life, but haven’t really given me much choice i
n the matter. Just a few days ago, we hadn’t seen or spoken in forever. And now, you are talking about long term strategies. It’s only fair to tell you, while you plan your life, I’m going to live mine.”

  The intensity of his stare sends shivers down my body.

  “Cancel the date.”

  “No.”

  “Cancel the fucking date, Devon.”

  “No!”

  “Don’t test me, babe. I’ll get creative.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?”

  “Yes, why?

  “I told you on that plane. You’re mine. Or at least you’re going to be when I break through this wall of hurt I’m responsible for.”

  “I’m not yours, Bryce, not anymore.”

  “Yes, you are. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for breaking the bond we shared. Age difference or not, I should have told you how much you meant to me. I was waiting for you, Devon. I was waiting for you when I fucked up. It took too long to get my shit sorted and I let you think you didn’t matter, but you did. When I pulled my shit together, it was you who was my guiding light.

  “I knew I wasn’t going to marry her, but the baby was still mine. It was too selfish to ask you to be a part of that when you had such a future ahead of you. When you basically fled to Virginia, my heart hurt everyday, but I didn’t come to you. I thought it was the right thing to let you move on. But I’m selfish now. That night on your deck, when you kissed me, I meant what I said. I prayed for the next three years you would feel the same way when you turned eighteen. And the moment you laid eyes on me, I could tell you did. But I fucked up. It’ll forever be burned in my brain that I let you go. But now it’s time to fight for us.”

  “I wouldn’t have cared.”

  “Come again?”

  “I wouldn’t have cared if you had a baby. If you would have told me you didn’t love her and wanted me, I would have done anything for you. I loved you that much. Getting over you was a grieving process. There are still some moments that I think about us and my chest hurts.”

  “Jesus Christ. I’m an asshole.”

  I stay silent watching the emotions run through his mind.

  “I’m going to fight for us, Devon. You’ll never doubt me again. But please, give me a chance. A real one. Cancel your date. Let me prove to you, and your family, how serious I am.”

  My mind goes back to a time when I would have given anything in the world to hear him say something like this. Then I realize, it still means something. I owe it to myself to see where this could go. If he hurts me again, it’ll be different, because now I’m stronger.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah, Bryce, okay. I’ll cancel.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What happens next?”

  A sly grin slips across his face and he lowers himself down. His lips touch mine softly, pecking gently. Then he parts my lips with his tongue and moves his fingers to the base of my neck, pulling me closer. I open widely and accept him, tasting the mint of his toothpaste and a flavor that’s all him. Our tongues swirl together slowly at first and then desire takes over and we devour each other. Clutching at his biceps, I silently beg him to never stop. This is the kiss I’ve waited for. My body is on fire wanting more, but savoring every stroke.

  His pelvis hits my hip and I feel him hard and hot through his silk pajama pants. Never in my life has my body responded to the touch of a man like this. Grinding into him, I moan lightly as my aching core rubs against his thigh.

  He slows our kiss and pulls back slightly, leaning his forehead against mine. Our deep breathing is in sync as we stare at each other. His eyes give me the sign. The sign, he’s serious. Devotion, love, passion are all the things I see as he rubs the back of my neck.

  “That’s what happens next. Four and a half years I dreamed of kissing you again.”

  My cheeks flush, remembering how awkward I must have been at fifteen with no experience at all.

  “Tell me, Devon, do I have nice lips?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do I know what to do with them?”

  Holy Shit! He heard my conversation with Quinn. I bury my face in his neck and nod.

  “Good thing because I don’t want to be any part of that loser list. It’s my goal in life to make everything perfect for you from now on.”

  “Don’t hurt me again, Bryce.”

  “Baby, I’d kill myself before you ever felt another piece of pain from me. I’m not perfect, but you will never doubt how I feel about you again.”

  He rolls us over and kisses a small trail from my earlobe to my collarbone. I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

  ~~~~~

  After Bryce’s declaration, my nerves are in a constant state of flutter. No one around me seems to notice though. Our little group continues our routine. Breakfast, skiing, naps, and games. Bryce still slips into my room every night and leaves by four am. We’ve spent countless hours making out, but he always stops me when I try to go further. Instead he holds me tight kissing me until I’m breathless and continuously whispering sweets things in my ear until I fall asleep.

  Today is actually Christmas Day and for some reason, the guys left unusually early to run an errand. I stayed in my pajamas watching old movies with Mom and Sheila. It was almost noon when I jumped in the shower and then got ready for pictures. No matter where we were, family photos were a must on Christmas day. I hear a few grunts and run into the main living room.

  “What the hell?” I yell as the four men tried unsuccessfully to position a nine-foot tree into a stand.

  “Loverboy here insisted on a tree! We’ve been all over Colorado trying to find this shit,” Nate cusses as he tries to fix the alignment.

  “Fucking dipshit,” Bryce hisses and when his eyes meet mine, they grow wide. His lips curl in a lopsided grin. His heated gaze sweeps over my body.

  “Devon? You think you could put on some clothes?” my dad practically growls.

  I look down and jump, turning away. My robe covers me, but it’s still short. Running back to my room, I yell, “To the right! It’s still crooked!”

  My brother cusses again and Bryce laughs.

  I choose to wear a gold sweater over black leggings and head back to help.

  “Mom, what can I do?” I ask, walking into the kitchen.

  “You can get in here and talk to Sheila and me now,” she whispers.

  “What about?”

  “How about the fact that in the twenty-seven years I’ve been married to your dad, and had two children, he’s never brought me a fully decorated tree. Much less to a rented condo! Bryce orchestrated all of this.”

  “What?”

  “She’s right, Devon, Bryce is smitten. This is all for you.” Sheila comes up and puts her arm around my waist.

  “This isn’t for me, this is for us, all of us.”

  “No, dear, Nate was right earlier. We all know how Bryce feels about you now. He’s absolutely crazy for you. Your dad may be feeling a different way, but Dave and I are thrilled.”

  “Sheila, you may be looking into this a bit more than necessary. We had a rough spot, but it’s done. We’re friends again.”

  “Ummhmm, dear, you tell yourself that. He’s going full force. Be prepared.” Sheila winks at me and walks in to the living room.

  My mom watches with a smile on her face and tears pool in her eyes.

  “What the hell?” I groan. “Whose side are you on?”

  “There’s no side here. He knows where I stand, and your father is having a hard time with this as well as Nate.”

  “Hard time with what?” I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.

  “You’ll see. Baby, you’ll see.”

  I start to demand she answer me but Bryce walks into the kitchen and my breathing stops. He’s dressed head to toe in black, with hair wet from the shower. The growth on his face is trimmed and his cologne fills the room. I want to jump in his arms and run at the same time. As soon as
he sees me, he makes a beeline and lifts me into his arms.

  “Merry Christmas, Devon.” His kiss surprises me but I sink into him. Our lips touch briefly, allowing just a taste of each other before my brother barges in and hits him on the back of the head.

  “Fucking not here! Told you—she’s still my baby sister. You’re looking for a beat down,” Nate chides and pushes us back from one another.

  “Nate!”

  “No, Devon, Dad is already having an anxiety attack. Mom sees her unicorns and rainbow shit. I want him to prove himself. That’s all I ask. Make sure he deserves you.”

  Bryce starts laughing, gripping Nate’s shoulder. “Not even a week and already anxiety attacks? What happens when—”

  “Shut your shithole. My dad will hang you. Just be glad you already have family love, don’t push it.”

  Bryce nods with a glimmer in his eye and Nate looks at me wearily then leaves us.

  “I, for one, am not having anxiety attacks. I look forward to everything involved,” my mom says behind me as she winks at Bryce. When she’s gone his stare grows heated.

  “You look amazing. Absolutely gorgeous.” His fingers wipe gently down my cheek in an intimate gesture.

  “Thanks, you too. Going for the Johnny Cash look in all black?” I squeak, trying to ignore the tingling his touch causes.

  “Yeah, something like that. I want our pictures to be good.”

  “I’ll do a great shot with you and your parents promise.”

  “Babe, I know you will. But I meant us, you and me.”

  I open my mouth to respond and Sheila bustles into the room in a frenzy. “Bryce, you need to confirm our reservations. Your dad and the rest of the guys are useless.”

  “Got it, Mom.”

  “Bryce?”

  “Mom, I need a minute with my girl. Can you do that?”

  I swear I hear a sniffle, but my eyes are locked with his. He captures me with the deep gaze. The room is silent but a buzz of electricity radiates around us.

  “Is this really happening?” I ask.

  “Absolutely. Every moment of today and hopefully everyday forward will be about us.”

  “I need time, this is crazy.”

  “You have time, then. As much as you need.”