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  Copyright © 2016 by Ahren Sanders

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.

  Editing: Kendra Gaither at Kendra’s Editing and Book Services

  Cover Photo: Wander Aguiar – Wander Photography

  Cover Model: Alex Bukalo

  Cover Design: Melissa @MG BookCovers and Designs

  Formatting: Erik Gevers

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Other Books by Ahren Sanders

  Prologue

  Crenshaw

  Goddammit, I hate this place, I think to myself as I walk down the hallway. Even the dozens of pictures framed on the walls can’t mask the dread.

  No one likes hospitals, but I loathe them, especially this one. They say it has the best pediatric oncology program in the area, but I want Nick to be in the best program in the country, not the area. My phone dings in my pocket, alerting me that it’s time for Nick’s treatment, so I move faster. My chest tightens at the thought of him sitting alone.

  When I round the corner, I see one familiar face. Nurse Evie gives me a bright smile and waves me back. I scurry through the doors and stop to wash my hands before following her.

  “Crenshaw, he’s been excited about you coming all morning. As soon as your mom left, he started in about you coming home from college.” She pats my arm lovingly. “He hasn’t shut up.”

  “He just wants to win my money.” I take the stack of cards from my back pocket. “But today is a new game. He’s going to learn Gin Rummy.”

  “He’ll love that. Really love that.” She gives me another smile.

  Nick is already in his chair with a nurse working on his catheter when I walk in. He gives me a fist pump, and I run my hand over his now bald head before sitting.

  “What’s up, fighter?”

  “Well, I’m hoping after the treatment, you can spring me.”

  “No can do. Doctor told Mom it would be at least tomorrow before you can go home. I’m here as long as you want, though. Thought we could learn some new games.” I place the cards on the table between us and lean back to slide the curtain closed.

  “Leave it open today,” he tells me as another nurse comes in and starts the process of cleaning his lines and drawing his labs.

  I look around, trying to find anything to watch but the woman poking and prodding him. My throat starts to close, and I swallow down the emotions swelling inside.

  This is not fair.

  Life is not fair.

  He’s fourteen, for God’s sake. He should be worrying about what he’s doing on fall break, not cell counts and hemoglobin levels.

  “If you don’t stop, you’re not coming back,” he says through clenched teeth, the nurse drawing blood.

  “Stop what?” I struggle to sound normal.

  “I see it, Ren. You’re easy to read. Mom and Dad can barely hold it together. I need you and Mathis to be stronger.”

  “You’re our baby brother. It hurts us to see you like this.”

  “I get it, but can you try?”

  “Yes,” I agree, guiltily.

  “Let’s get this party rollin’! Did you save me a seat?” a melodic, sweet voice sings behind me.

  I turn and watch a beautiful young girl, who looks about Nick’s age, plop in the recliner next to us. She drops a bag, and Nurse Evie starts prepping her for chemo. Nick gives her a chin lift, and then she turns to me. The instant our eyes meet, my heart lurches and skips a beat. One dimple dents into her right cheek, highlighting her whole face. I can’t move. My eyes are trapped in her gaze. Never have I seen the unique color staring back at me—a mix between grey and ice blue. It’s hypnotic.

  “Ren!” Nick hisses until I break the trance and look back to him. “Stop staring.”

  “It’s okay, Nicky. Everyone has a different reaction. I should have worn a hat.” The girl speaks softly, the earlier joy vanished.

  Nicky? Reaction? What the hell?

  She moves her small, bony hand to her head, which is covered in a pink skull bandana. Then it hits me; she thinks I was staring at her lack of hair. I open my mouth to explain, but Nick speaks over me.

  “No, it’s not okay. I didn’t ask him to come to be a total dickhead.”

  Both the nurses shush him as the girl starts to giggle.

  Finally, I clear my mind and find my words. “I wasn’t looking at your head. It’s your eyes. I’ve never seen any so unique, so incredibly exceptional.”

  She starts to blush. “Which brother are you?”

  “Crenshaw.”

  “Lizbeth Hastings.” She offers her hand, and I shake it gently. “Nicky told me a lot about you.”

  I raise an eyebrow at my brother and mouth ‘Nicky’ to him with a questioning glance. He doesn’t answer but shrugs without care and settles back as his treatment starts. I stay quiet and watch Nurse Evie do her assessments. When she’s done, she runs her hand over Lizbeth’s bandana covered head lovingly and gives her an encouraging smile.

  “I’ll be around if you need me,” she tells both Nick and Lizbeth before walking away.

  “We’ll be right here, kicking cancer’s ass,” Lizbeth replies, fist pumping the air.

  I drop my head to hide my chuckle. Her spunk amuses me. Nick’s grin tells me he thinks the same.

  “Well, Lizbeth, it’s nice to meet you,” I tell her.

  She reaches in her bag then gives a little squeal.

  “What’s wrong?” Nick jolts up, looking around nervously.

  “I forgot my math assignment, and I’ve got a test next week.”

  “I’ve got mine in my room. We can go over it later.”

  “Okay.” She relaxes back in the chair.

  My head spins with the fact that these two young kids are getting chemotherapy and discussing schoolwork. Who the hell cares about school when you’re fighting for your life?

  “Ren, you’re doing it again. Your face is twisted.” Nick points to me, and I shake out of my thoughts.

  “I’m shocked that you two are so worried about school.”

  “Well, I’m actually thinking about doing the homeschool thing. We already do so many of our assignment
s from home since we have to watch our immune systems. Maybe I’ll make it official,” Lizbeth says but doesn’t sound convincing.

  “You can’t do that. We’re gonna get through this together. I’ll be there to protect you.”

  “Protect her?” I repeat, wondering if I heard him correctly. Curiosity mixes with alarm as different scenarios run through my mind.

  “Yeah, some bitch in school is giving her a hard time. It’s stupid and childish. She has me now, and nothing’s going to happen.”

  I don’t correct his language because I don’t give a shit if he wants to cuss.

  “It’ll be harder to get away from her, especially now that all my hair is gone and they’ve prescribed the steroids. She’ll have a lot of ammunition when I look like a roly-poly.”

  “What the fuck?” I swing my head in time to catch her wipe a lone tear that slipped out. Her breath hitches, and Nick reaches across me, laying his hand on her arm.

  “Best friends take care of each other. I’ll take care of you.”

  Pride swells inside, witnessing his first crush. He catches my eye and frowns.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Just watching you and your new girlfriend,” I tease.

  The air around us stills in silence until Lizbeth’s laughter cuts through. Nick follows until they’re both gasping for breath.

  “No way! We’re really just friends. When I was admitted two days ago, I was originally placed in a room with her while they ran some tests. I recognized her from school, and we started talking…”

  “By the end of the night, I declared we’d be best friends forever. He’s stuck with me,” she finishes his statement.

  I search their faces for any sign of attraction, but there’s none there.

  “Huh,” I say.

  “But, like I was saying, there’s a bitch at school who’s giving her a hard time. This chick’s ex-boyfriend asked Liz to go to the homecoming game with him. That’s when it started. She’s been awful since then. But when we go back to school, I’m handling it.”

  “Aren’t you guys a little young to be dating?” I cringe because I know what was on my mind in high school, and Lizbeth seems too sweet for the horny mind of teenage boys.

  “It doesn’t matter because, when I started to lose my hair, he backed off. But he was gross anyway. Totally skeezer.” She scrunches her nose in disgust.

  She may say he’s gross, but her face doesn’t hide the hurt. She’s a beautiful girl without hair, and he’s a fucking idiot.

  “That dickhead isn’t getting near her again. He’s a loser.”

  “Changing the subject now!” She huffs. “Tell me more about you, Crenshaw."

  “My friends and family call me Ren.”

  She squints her eyes and shakes her head. “Nah, I think I like Shaw better. It doesn’t remind me of a little shaved Chihuahua.”

  “Shaw?”

  “It’s sexy, too. So there you go. New nickname.”

  “Exactly how old are you? What do you know about sexy?”

  “Oh, please, I’m almost fifteen, and I know sexy when I see it. And you, Shaw Bennett, are ‘sexy’.” She uses air quotes with no shame.

  Heat creeps up my cheeks at her statement. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been embarrassed, but this sassy little pixie has me blushing.

  “Great, now you’ve given him a bigger ego.” Nick sighs. “But she’s big on nicknames, so I guess you’re stuck with it.”

  “I like it, Lizbeth. To you, I’m Shaw.”

  A smile spreads across her face and reaches all the way down to my soul. The light in her eyes shines so bright, they sparkle. Like my little brother, I have the crucial need to protect her from the bullies and jackasses at their school.

  “Tell me more about this girl giving you a hard time,” I ask gently.

  “It’s stupid really. She’s a junior and thinks she’s hot shit. Apparently, she’s not over her ex-boyfriend. The day he asked me out, I was suddenly the focus of her nastiness. Even when I turned him down, she still found a way to label me a slut.”

  There’s a bite in her words, reminding me how cruel and callous high school girls can be.

  “I mean, really,” she continues. “I’m a cancer patient with a lot more on my mind than a stupid football game.”

  “Hey!” Nick slaps his hand to his heart, acting hurt. “There is nothing stupid about football.”

  “I may rethink my stance on the sport since my new BFF is a rising star.”

  “That’s better.” He winks and reaches for the deck of cards. “Now, you can watch me beat this lug in poker.”

  “No way! I asked him a question. It’s his turn to answer.”

  I look at her, trying to remember her question.

  “I asked you to tell me about yourself.”

  “Not much to tell. Junior in college, pretty sure I’m going to law school. After that, who knows?”

  “Snore-bore! Tell me something more interesting, like where you’ll take me on our first vacation together?”

  I whip my head to her and then back to my brother, who is grinning like a loon.

  “W-w-what?” I stutter.

  “Where are you taking me? I hope it’s tropical. I love the beach.”

  I suck in a breath, not sure how to respond. Is she serious?

  Nick starts laughing and gives her a high five. “Well played,” he tells her.

  “The look on your face is priceless!” She points to me.

  “Don’t worry, Ren. She did the same thing to me. It’s her way of getting our minds off the cancer.”

  I lean back and blow out a breath, then smile at her. “You’re a cool chick. Not many people can shock me.”

  “Part of my charm. My parents are constantly rolling their eyes.”

  “You do seem like a handful.”

  “I’m blunt and spicy. It makes for more fun.”

  “I bet,” I agree.

  She chews on her lip and stares at me intently, her face now unreadable. Then she speaks. “I think I know what you should do after law school. Do you like sports?”

  I shoot her my best ‘are you kidding’ look.

  “You should do the fancy law school thing, but afterwards come out and be a sports agent with the legal knowledge. You can manage Nicky’s career when he goes pro after college. But you have to make sure he gets drafted somewhere awesome, preferably close to home. He can kick some of his teammates your way. We live in Miami, so there are tons of athletes here. You can build a business close to us.”

  Her statement surprises me again. She knows of Nick’s dream to be a professional football player? He’s very quiet about his goal, especially since he’s missing his freshman season because of the fucking cancer. I look over to him, seeing he’s now biting on his thumbnail, watching me.

  But her idea sends a jolt of excitement through me. She’s laid out exactly what I want to do.

  “I think you may have carved my career path,” I tell her and place my hand on Nick’s knee. “Your girlfriend is pretty smart.”

  “Eww! Stop with the girlfriend thing. He’s not my type.” She sighs. “I’m into older guys.”

  This time when she wiggles her eyebrows, I get her teasing and laugh with them.

  We spend the next two hours joking around and playing poker. When I run out of money, I have to give my hat to Lizbeth as payment. She seems satisfied until she starts to pale, and sweat breaks out on her forehead. Nick leans over and looks in her bag then cusses under his breath.

  “She needs a Coke,” he tells me. “She loves Coke.”

  I jump up, ready to do whatever it takes to make her feel better.

  “Shaw,” she says weakly. I turn back and suck in a breath at her now exhausted appearance. “I want a nickname, too.”

  Without a beat, it comes to me. “Bizzy. You’ll be Bizzy.”

  She nods and closes her eyes. Nick gives a small smile. “I l
ike Bizzy. She’ll be our Bizzy, forever.”

  I walk to the cafeteria with a heavy heart. My brother has had two days with this precious girl and has already shared his deepest dreams. I’ve spent a little over two hours with her, and she has suggested a path that will shape my entire life.

  She’s sweet, funny, spunky, and gorgeous. The way Nick looks at her tells me this girl is going to be in his life forever, which means she’ll be in all our lives. She made him smile and laugh during this shitty time. She made me relax when I thought it was impossible. Just being in the room with her brought me happiness. She has a natural effervescence that eases anyone lucky enough to be in her presence.

  A smile tugs on my lips as I think about her calling me sexy. She’s dangerous. If I was five years younger, I’d be crawling at her feet.

  One thing’s for sure; Lizbeth “Bizzy” Hastings has left an imprint on my heart.

  Bizzy

  I should kill Nicky for neglecting to mention his oldest brother was the most gorgeous man to walk this planet. One look at him and my entire insides started to flutter.

  It’s love… instant love.

  Or infatuation. That’s probably it. Infatuation.

  He’s probably got a girlfriend. A man like him can’t be single, and regardless of my age, I’ll never stand a chance with a man like Shaw. He’ll always remember meeting me during a chemo treatment when I’m bald and sick.

  Not to mention, my stupid corny joke about taking me somewhere tropical. GAH! I’m such a dork. He probably thinks I’m a nutcase and will convince Nicky that I’ve got too many screws loose.

  That body, that hair, those eyes… I could get lost in his eyes—the deep golden honey, the shades of green. Hazel is my new favorite color. And chocolate brown… his hair is chocolate brown.

  He’s the opposite of Nicky in almost every way. Standing tall and built, the muscles of his arms bulge through his light sweater.

  I tried not to stare, but when he looked away, I took the opportunity to size him up.

  He’s perfect.

  There’s no use fighting it. Even now, never having a boyfriend, or even a first kiss, I know…

  I’m in love with Shaw Bennett.

  Chapter 1

  10 years later…

  Crenshaw

  I open my eyes and immediately sense something’s not right. This is not my house, and the hint of stale perfume triggers my brain. My stomach twists at the stench, reminding me of the body lying next to me.