Surrendering Read online

  “There is nothing left to say except I love your sisters and I plan on living with them for awhile. I know we’ll see each other, but let’s just forget about what we failed at and be civil to each other. I won’t get in your way and hopefully we won’t be around each other more than necessary.” I know I sound weak and I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. My vision has become blurry. I need to get in my car and go, but I can’t pull my eyes from him. He looks at me with pain and hurt and I see that everything I’ve said has hit him.

  “Sparkle, please listen to me. It isn’t what you think with Sami. Yes, I’m an asshole, but I didn’t sleep with her. I want you and only you. Can you please just come inside and talk to me? I’m fucking going crazy. The band has threatened to kick my ass; my sisters barely speak to me. I don’t care about any of them. I need you to believe me. Talk to me, yell at me, and hit me if you want. But please, quit shutting me out. I need you back. I’m crazy about you. Since I walked into that house last July and saw you, I felt a connection.”

  “I need to go inside and you need to go home. I can’t do this.” I see his face fall, but he steps back.

  “I’m not giving up. You’ve become too important to me. I’ll prove to you that we are good together.” He turns to leave, but rubs his thumbs over my cheeks to wipe my tears first.

  I watch him walk away and then head into the house. Looks like my healing wounds have just re-opened.

  Chapter 19

  Girls’ Weekend!

  For the first time in almost two weeks, I get up on Thursday morning happy. My best-friends will be here in a few hours and I need them more than I ever have.

  Every day I still get some sort of present from Declan. He has sent flowers, notes, and even started sending quick text with quotes from songs; the most recent one was from Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up.” All of this is flattering and super sweet, but I’m not ready to forgive. I want this weekend to regroup and decide if I’m ready to move forward, or if I’ll give him another chance. I miss him like crazy, but I’m not sure that’s enough.

  Declan has even worn his sisters down; they’re begging me to talk to him. Even though we agreed they would stay out of it, they’ve formed a two-girl crusade to have Declan and I reunited. They believe him about Sami. They’ve gone to three of his shows this last week and Sami has been banned from any interaction with Sayge.

  According to Ella, Sami offered Blake a blow job just to get into the band room and he led her on. Just when she hit her knees on the bathroom floor, he told her she was a fucking whore and left her there. She stomped out and was immediately escorted out of the bar.

  But even with knowing all this, I can’t seem to get my heart to mend. He hurt me and I have the next three days with my favorite girls to keep me distracted.

  I get showered and dressed. Then I go to the kitchen to make breakfast. Ella’s leaning against the counter drinking coffee and she looks upset.

  “Hey, honey, what’s wrong?”

  “Are you ever going to talk to him again?”

  “Pardon?” My stomach melts to my feet.

  “Declan was just here and left a note for you and these flowers.” She motions to the huge arrangement of Stargazer lilies on the table. “He’s never acted like this before. I know he screwed up, but I’m worried.”

  “What happened to staying out of it?” I ask softly.

  “Rave, I’ve never seen him like this. He wouldn’t even come through the house because he was scared. He stared at your closed door from the front porch and looked lost. I want to stay out of it, but he wants you back so bad. Can you at least talk to him?”

  “Yes, I’ll call him. I planned on talking to him next week after this weekend was over and I had some time with the others to figure out where my thoughts are. But if it means you’ll smile at me today, I’ll call.”

  She jumps into my arms. “I know he’s an asshole, but even my dad is worried. You tainted him, Rave; you’re all he thinks about. He’s trying so hard. And as his baby sister, I want him to be happy. I don’t mean you need to take him back, but please let him know if you’re over him. It’s killing him inside.”

  “Ella, don’t you think that’s weird? He’s twenty-five and hasn’t had any relationships besides us. Maybe he just isn’t used to rejection.”

  “Maybe, but I think this is real for him. I think he fell hard for you and he fucked up. He knows how awesome you are and doesn’t want to lose you. But either way, you need to talk to him…” She kisses me on the cheek and flutters towards her room. “…and think about how awesome make-up sex will be.”

  She doesn’t even know that I don’t know how awesome real sex can be.

  I eat and then head back to my room to read his note.

  Sparkle,

  I can’t stop thinking about you. I know I’m a total jackass, but I need you to believe me. Nothing happened with me and Sami and I would give anything to go back and fix everything. Even though I’ve only know you for a short period of time, you are so special to me. I don’t deserve it, but if you would just forgive me I could breathe easier. I never lied to you. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever known. At night, I dream of waking up to finding you in my arms. I’m crazy for you.

  I know this is girls’ weekend so I hope you enjoy the flowers. The Stargazers remind me of you for many reasons. They fill a room with beauty and their smell is exquisite. To me, that is you. I miss you so much. Have a great time and know that I’ll always be ready to talk when you call. I won’t give up.

  Love,

  Declan

  I swipe the tears off my cheeks and pick up my phone. After the third ring, I don’t think he’s going to pick up so I get prepared to leave a message. On the fourth ring, he answers. “Raven?”

  “Hey, Declan, I got your note and flowers.”

  “I’m glad; I wanted to knock on your door, but didn’t want to bother you.”

  I can’t swallow when I hear the tenderness in his voice. “Declan…” My voice cracks.

  “Raven, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I want you to know that. You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

  I calm down enough to talk without sounding like a baby, “I was thinking that maybe we could get coffee or lunch next week. This weekend is pretty busy, but I have some time next week.”

  “Next week sounds nice. I’ll be available anytime.”

  “Well, I’ll text you on Monday and we can set it up.”

  “Raven, I know things have changed, but I left your group name at the door if y’all still want to come on Saturday night. I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable, but I’d love to see you.”

  “Let me check with everyone and we’ll let you know. Thanks again, Declan”

  “My pleasure, Sparkle. I miss you.”

  *****

  Finally late afternoon arrives and I hear the honking from the street. Abbi, Ella, and I run to the front porch to greet all the girls.

  “This place is fucking RAD! I feel like I just drove up to a Homes and Garden magazine!” Charlie screams and Abbi smiles with pride.

  When Kendall exits the car, Abbi and Ella gasp. I should have warned them. Kendall is stunning. Her dad is Samoan and her mother is South African. She has caramel skin, but deep blue eyes. She is average height, but her body is rock solid with toned legs and heavy curves. And her hair has a natural wave that falls to the middle of her back. It goes without saying, she’s a guy magnet.

  “Fucking shit, isn’t this just perfect?”

  I fly off the porch and into Kendall’s arms. Even though we talk often, I’ve missed her so much. She’s like a sister to me. Harper and Charlie join our hug and before I know it, I’m crying.

  Charlie breaks away first, “No alcohol and already there are tears. What the hell am I missing?”

  Ella walks up, “You have no idea. Thank God we have all night to talk.”

  Harper looks around, “You have a great place; it looks like Martha Stewart does
your landscaping.”

  I finally catch my breath. “Nope, but Abbi Collins does and she’s awesome!”

  We all laugh and get their bags out of the car. We take them in the house and deposit them in my bedroom. Then head to the kitchen.

  Even though Kendall hadn’t met my roommates before, they settle around and act like longtime friends. Everyone is laughing as Harper grabs the tequila from the freezer.

  “Raven, we don’t want to harp on the situation, but a few shots might loosen you up so you can talk to us. The night officially starts now. Did you get everything?”

  I know what she means. I did the liquor shopping this week and we have all our favorite junk food. I nod and get the limes.

  When the limes are sliced and the shots are poured, I pass the salt shaker.

  “To the best girls’ weekend ever! May there be secrets, sauce, silliness, and sex!” This is our general opening motto so each of us licks, sucks, slams, and laughs.

  Abbi and Ella seem to join in the fun with no questions asked, but I’ve spent the last week telling them what to expect.

  We decide on the sleeping arrangements. The sisters will sleep together and give Abbi’s room up. Harper and Charlie are together and Kendall is with me. We split our stuff and get ready. I choose a loose flowing, baby doll pink nightie with the bodice in sparkles. The bottoms are similar to boy shorts and have beads on the edges. One thing we always do is a contest on the best outfit. I didn’t tell my roommates because I didn’t want to scare them way, but these girls can get racy.

  When we all meet back in the living room, Charlie shouts, “We look fucking hot. Too bad it’s girls only because I bet we could make some memories tonight!”

  Every one of us looks great and I swear, I’m never going to win one of our competitions.

  Kendall starts the evening with the swearing of the vows. It’s pretty simple.

  We swear on the sisterhood that nothing leaves this house. We may be horny, we may be whipped, but we know ho’s are better than bro’s”

  We all recite and Ella laughs out loud. “You know guys, we may be able to come up with a better mantra.”

  Everyone laughs because we’ve been telling Kendall that for years. It’s the cheesiest vows ever but we came up with them when we were much younger and they seemed appropriate at the time.

  As we settle in, we get acquainted over margaritas. Once we’re on our third pitcher, I notice I have several missed calls.

  Harper screams at me, “No way! No calls!”

  “No babe, it looks like Finn is checking to see if everything is okay. I’ll just text him back and be done. If I don’t, he’ll be here in like two minutes.”

  “Let him. He’s fine,” Kendall says.

  “I agree.” Charlie says with a wink.

  “No way! This is for girls only.” Harper warns them.

  Ella and Abbi are quiet and keep looking at each other. I get uncomfortable.

  “Hey, I’ll get another pitcher ready and call him. You decide on the game.”

  I walk into the kitchen and dial Finn, “Hey, Baby Girl, what’s up.” It sounds like he’s at a party.

  “Not much, everyone is here and safe. No need to worry about us.”

  “Okay, but I’ll be with y’all tomorrow night. I know what’s going on at the club and Kendall has gone viral with the local group. You need to prepare.”

  I scream into the phone, “You are FUCKING KIDDING ME!”

  “Nope, need to talk to your girl and get the schedule. We’ll all be there. Apparently Adam is spinning all night.”

  I’m about to blow up. I look towards the living room and see Harper and Kendall smirking. I’m going to kill them.

  “Finn, I need to go. Too bad you took my firearm because I’m going to have to kill these two with my hands.”

  He laughs. “Be careful and let me know the details tomorrow.”

  I hang up and finish making the margaritas. Then I head straight to Kendall.

  “Anything I should know?” The room goes silent.

  “Well, RJ, you’ve been so down lately, I thought it was a good idea. And these local clowns think they know how to dance. We’ll join in and show them how it’s done.”

  “You didn’t think to ask me about this?”

  “Nope. I haven’t met this guy yet, but it seems he’s sent you into a downward spiral. I decided you needed to get out of your funk. Y’all already decided a few weeks ago we were going to the new club in East Nashville. I set us up so we’re dancing tomorrow night at the show.”

  “Are you kidding me? I haven’t done a show in almost two years. What have you done?” I ask almost in hysterics.

  Kendall looks shocked for a second, but she snaps out of it pretty quickly. “I don’t know what this boy has done to you, and I don’t want to go there, but you are going to dance tomorrow with us. You ARE going to move forward. I love you and we’ll get through this.”

  Before I can stop myself I scream out, “FUJIMO BITCH!”

  She throws her head back laughing, “That’s what I’m talking about! Now, I think it’s time for a game.”

  “What does FUJIMO mean?” Ella asks the group.

  “It means ‘Fuck You Jo, I’m Movin’ On!’” Kendall answers.

  Just like that, we’re back to normal. I order the pizza and we draw straws to see who will get the door. I lose and smile knowing I’ll shock the shit out of the guy who delivers.

  For our first game, we decide on Truth or Dare. Since I drew the shortest straw earlier, I also get the first question.

  Kendall asks: Have you slept with a guy since leaving Emory?

  This is easy.

  Me: Yes.

  Ella: Charlie, truth or dare?

  Charlie: Dare.

  Ella: Call the pizza man on my phone and tell him to bring condoms.

  Charlie: Done!

  We watch as she calls him and asks for the condoms. Her face goes blank as he responds to her request, but then she smiles and tells him to bring extra ribbed for her pleasure.

  I howl out loud because I know the guys who deliver to us and they’re usually teenagers.

  Abbi: Harper, truth or dare?

  Harper: Truth.

  Abbi: Do you have a crush on one of the hot-tourage?

  Harper (blushing): Who is the hot-tourage?

  Abbi: Any of the boys? The roommates, the brothers, or specifically, Gabe?

  Oh fuck! I haven’t even asked her that.

  Harper: Yes, but I reserve not to answer whom it is.

  Abbi: Fair enough!

  Charlie: Rave, truth or dare?

  Shit! Why pick on me? Abbi has yet to be yanked.

  Me: Truth, again.

  Charlie: When you say you slept with someone- are you still a virgin?

  The room goes still. This isn’t something Abbi and Ella know about me. I gulp my drink.

  Me: Yep, still am.

  The room erupts in catcalls and hollers and I want to crawl into a small space.

  “Raven, you’re the fucking woman! You have the hottest ass around you every day and you’re still holding out. I love you girl,” says a buzzed Kendall.

  We keep going with the game, but Ella and Abbi keep staring at me.

  “Why are you looking at me funny?”

  “You’ve never slept with a guy… I mean, you never had sex with Declan?” Abbi slurs.

  “Nope.”

  The doorbell rings and Ella jumps up immediately. “Let me get it.”

  “No way, tradition says the shortest straw gets the door. I’ve never had the chance to see the expression on the delivery guys face before.” All the girls get up and surround me before I open the door.

  I yank open the door and freeze. No, I think I almost faint. I feel his arms around me and my body sizzles. I can’t find my voice, but hear voices behind me. I see Ella out of the corner of my eye and she looks scared. He hands the pizzas to someone.

  He pulls me towards him, but I stiffen in resp
onse. He feels it and loosens his grip, but doesn’t let go.

  He growls to Ella, “You and I need to talk. Do you still need the condoms?”

  She laughs in response, “No, it was a dare and you handled it awesomely.”

  I know Harper and Charlie know him, but I hear Kendall say, “Is this really the pizza guy?”

  I don’t move because Declan is still holding me. I catch my breath. I’m wearing barely anything and he is in ripped jeans and a faded t-shirt. He doesn’t have his lip ring in, but he’s wearing a new eyebrow ring. I can’t let go.

  I hear a noise behind us and turn to see Abbi. And then I see all my other friends looking at us with questioning eyes.

  “You’re not the pizza guy. Are you the one who broke her heart and cheated on her?” Kendall asks as she yanks me to her and I see her hazy eyes.

  “No, I’m not the pizza guy; I was Raven’s boyfriend before I screwed up. I’m not sure if I broke her heart, but I know I didn’t cheat on her.”

  “You want her back?”

  “More than anything.”

  Kendall lifts her chin and walks away with everyone else and we’re left alone in the foyer.

  “You look spectacular tonight.”

  “Well, this is for girls only. You kinda crashed the action.”

  “I’m leaving, but I need to hug you.” Before I know it, he embraces me and my arms automatically wrap around his neck.

  He loosens his hold and says softly in my ear, “I miss you.” Then he turns to walk away.

  Hours later, we’re all completely shitfaced. My sides hurt from laughing and my head is pounding. I know tomorrow morning will be awful. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that Declan delivered the pizzas just so he could see me. When he left, my friends went straight into interrogation mode. I tried to dodge their questions, but after a relentless hour, I finally gave in and told them everything. I mean EVERYTHING…

  Our first date with dinner and a movie.

  Our endless pillow talk and his dedication to getting to know everything about me.

  All his sweet texts and messages the weekend I got sick.

  The way he danced with me at The Steamroom.

  How he didn’t finish his set the night of the charity gala and how he got us a room just so we could sleep together.