Surrendering Page 12

  My phone rings again and I reach over to answer it. I have three text messages and one voicemail.

  Abbi: Breakfast at 10:30- be there the guys are looking for you

  Robbie: CU at B’fast, heading home this morning

  Charlie: Are you still a virgin?

  I laugh at the last one and move out of the bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Breakfast is soon. I need to get ready.”

  I lean into him and give him a hard kiss on the lips.

  “Can I join you in the shower?”

  I think for a moment and nod. “As long as you behave yourself. I have to sit with my brother and all his friends; I can’t have your stubble burn all over my face.” I grin at him letting him know I’m kidding.

  “I can’t keep my hands off you so go ahead and I’ll pack up. We’ll meet at your place tonight.” He leans down to kiss me and I lay my hands on his chest.

  “Last night was amazing, thank you.” I leave the bed and blow him a kiss from the inside of the bathroom.

  Chapter 16

  Deceive Me

  I lay in bed on Sunday night and think about my day.

  Breakfast was great. Everyone was hung-over, but I confirmed plans with Harper and Charlie about our upcoming weekend. We didn’t have any privacy so Charlie didn’t say anything about my night with Declan. Max kissed us all good-bye and left for the airport. Everyone else said their farewells and headed home.

  On the way home, I heard about Abbi and Ella’s night, but neither of them asked me about my night alone with Declan. I can still feel him on me and smile at my memories.

  I haven’t heard from him all day, but I know he’ll call. I’m just about to doze off when there’s a loud banging at the front door.

  “For the love of Christ, Dec, what the fuck?”

  “Where is Raven?”

  “In her bed where normal people are at 11:00 at night.” Ella answers.

  I sit up and turn on my lamp just as he barges through my door. He throws a heap of print-offs on the bed. He looks like hell. He hasn’t shaved and his clothes are a mess. There’s a red stain on his white t-shirt and I know something’s wrong.

  “Dec, what’s going on?”

  He’s livid as he screams at me, “What’s going on? What do you think is going on? Look at this shit!” He picks up the prints and tosses them at me. I look down and see pictures from last night of me dancing with Finn, Max, my dad, and Robbie. They’re online pictures for the paper that will be in the Lifestyle/Metro section for tomorrow’s paper. Only the top pics will hit print, but I know the rest will hit the internet for the “Who’s Who” section.

  “Declan, what’s wrong?” I lift up on my knees and reach for him.

  He recoils into the door and stares right through me.

  “What’s wrong? I look at those pictures and see those guys hands all FUCKING over you while you dance with them in that fucking skimpy dress and fuck me shoes!”

  I sit back and take a breath. I’m about to throw up. I know how this looks. “Declan, two of these are of my dad and brother. You know the other two are Finn and Max. There’s nothing to be upset about.”

  “BULLSHIT! You tramped around that ball room and let those guys put their hands all over you. I was hard as nails trying to work a gig and you were whoring it up with Finn and Max on the fucking dance floor. No wonder he wanted to beat my ass. He has you in his arms all night and then I show up! These pictures show everything, Raven. Those guys want you and you let them rub all over you? Am I stupid, YES, because I thought we had something! I fought tooth and fucking nail to get to you, but tell me- which one were you going to fuck last night?”

  I jump back. I can’t even respond to his accusations.

  “That’s what I thought. You deceived me. I thought… never mind what I thought. You are just like all the others. I spent weeks trying to prove to you that I’m worth it, but I had no idea you were the Master Manipulator. Well played, Raven, well played.”

  I’m so mad right now. But wait, wasn’t he was supposed to be here earlier? Where the hell has he been and where did he get these pictures?

  I buck off the bed and head straight to him. I can smell the alcohol.

  “Where did you get these? And why didn’t you come and talk to me before jumping to conclusions?”

  “A friend brought them by today and showed me how stupid I’d been to think I had something with you.”

  It hits me right away. That isn’t a smear down his shirt; it’s lipstick. He smells cheap and I want to gag. I see red right away.

  “Who was your friend?”

  “None of your fucking business and at least I know now you aren’t worth it.” He looks at me and slams the door behind him. I listen as Abbi and Ella try to stop him and the front door slams.

  I fall on the floor and sob. Last night I fell in love with him and now he thinks I’m a whore. Arms wrap around me trying to calm me down, but I cry louder. I feel like I’ve been sliced open. They put me in my bed. My head is pounding with my heart. I know what I have to do tomorrow.

  After the girls finally leave me, I text Robbie, I have to tell him tomorrow.

  Chapter 17

  The Truth

  I make it through my classes today, but decide to skip dance. I need to get to Declan’s before I chicken out. Abbi texted me his address reluctantly because I begged her to please not tell him I was on my way. I know I might walk into my worst nightmare, but I have to do this.

  When I get to his house, I notice a white car in the front. I’m determined not to back down so I ring the bell.

  After a few minutes, Declan answers without a shirt and his hair is rumpled. My eyes start to tear, but they stop as soon as Sami wraps her hands around his chest.

  “I thought I got rid of you.” She states angrily.

  I look through her directly to Declan, “I need to tell you something. If you want to know, meet me at my car.” I walk away with lead in my stomach and know nothing will ever be the same. Even after I tell him, I’ll never wipe the image of her out of my mind.

  I wait by my car for about two minutes before he walks out and meets me. I decide not to let him talk, at all.

  “You know my dad is in security. Well, that’s just the half of it. He was in the Special Forces and he has a security business. His business is more complex than most. He has a side that handles security and a side that handles Special Force Operations. He works with the US government on a lot of special contracts and advises on high risk situations. He has the direct number to the White House and works with Hostage/Rescue/ Retrieval.”

  I take a breath and continue. “Last Spring, my brother and Finn were involved in an accident in Iraq and both were injured. Max wasn’t with them that day. My brother almost lost his left leg and is under counseling for PTSD. Finn took shrapnel to his torso and legs while trying to save my brother. They came home and I left Atlanta after graduation.

  “Last semester, I was terrorized by an antiwar protestor that found out who my dad and brother are. In his deranged mind, he thought Special Forces and soldiers were prolonging the wars. He found out where I lived and started to terrorize me. He left dead animals on my car, spray painted my campus housing door, and sent threatening letters. Some of the letters described in detail the abuse he wanted to do to me. We turned the letters over to the police, but the threats included some gruesome things that would scar me forever. He wanted retaliation for the women being raped and abused in the Middle East. He blamed our soldiers for that as well. The school provided security, but after my dad found out that the guy knew where I lived, he insisted on constant security.

  “I came back here to be closer to Robbie with his treatment and rehab. Finn got better and my dad offered him a side job. He goes to school full-time to finish his degree but works in security as well. He is just a friend.

  “Max is another story. He’s never forgiven himself for not being with them the day they were ambushed. He st
ayed in the Marines and comes to visit whenever possible. Max taught me how to swim, talked me through my first break-up, and took pictures at my first dance. He’s like a brother to me as much as the other two. So you see, none of them want to fuck me because I’m their sister and they’re my protectors. When I was at Emory and the guy tried to get me, Max lost his shit.

  “I’m just a part of a classified and secured military family. They’re protective and loving and don’t want anything to happen to me. I tried to hide that part of my life because I wanted you to know me for me. I shouldn’t share it with you now, but I wanted you to know I’m not a whore. The images you saw were not what you thought. Those guys would do anything for me and I would never sleep with them. What you and I had was special and I’m sorry you thought otherwise.”

  I finish my story and reach for my door handle. “This doesn’t change things, but at least you have the whole story now. The truth. I’m not a whore and I didn’t deceive you on purpose.”

  I start my car and close the door. I see Declan looking at me with those piercing eyes just as I see Sami open his door. I reverse and don’t look back.

  When I get home, I walk in the house to find Abbi and Ella watching a TV program. They both look at me with concern in their eyes.

  “Hey, guys, can we talk? I need to tell you something.”

  They both nod and I join them on the couch. I recap the entire story I shared with Declan. Both hug me and let me cry on their shoulders. When it’s time for bed, we hug and I promise them I’m okay.

  I check my phone as I get into bed. I have several missed calls and one text from Declan.

  I’m a complete asshole, please call me

  I turn off my phone.

  *****

  The commotion at the door wakes me.

  “Let me see her. I need to talk to her.”

  “You’re my brother, but you’re an asshole! You should have seen her earlier. She was broken! It took both Ella and I to calm her down. What the fuck did you do?”

  “Let me in. I need her.”

  “Well I suggest you go shower and sober up before you see her. She’s not going to want to smell you right now.”

  “I fucked up, Abs. I really fucked up. Just ask her if she’ll talk to me. I’ll only be a few minutes…”

  She tells him to take his time showering and I get a plan. I don’t want to see him now. I saw all I needed earlier when Sami’s hands were wrapped around his chest. I get up and quickly pack a bag with of a few clothes and necessities. Then I write a quick note and put it on my pillow.

  Not ready to see you. Nothing will wash her from my mind.

  He’ll know what I mean.

  I grab my duffle along with my laptop and schoolbag. I sneak out of the house and get to my car unnoticed. I send a quick text.

  Me: I’m coming over- someone make room

  Finn: CU soon.

  I get to the guys house in record time and realize all the lights are on. Finn meets me at the door and Tripp hovers behind him.

  “I just need a bed,” I say in a hollow voice.

  Finn reaches for me and pulls me into his arms. I feel safe, I feel warm, and I want to sink. The first sob escapes before I can stop it. He leads me into the room and Tripp hands me a bottle of water. I slide next to both of them and start to relax. When I have my shit together, I tell them the whole story.

  “You’re staying here until you’re ready to go back. Rave, he’s an ass. He should have gotten the whole story from you before he did what he did. He fucked up,” Tripp tells me.

  Finn looks away. When he finally speaks, he sounds distant, “No one fucks with you… ever. You stay with me. I’ll take care of it. Let’s get you to bed.”

  I agree and head to Finn’s room. I fall into bed and turn on my phone to send a quick text to Abbi.

  When my screen lights up, there’s a bunch of messages and my box is almost full. I see I have twenty unread messages from all the Collins. I check Abbi’s first and notice I’m on a text chain with Ella.

  Abbi: I know he fucked up and I’m so sorry, but you promised never to run out on us. I’m not going to defend his stupid ass. Please come home, we can help keep him away until you’re ready to talk.

  The text was sent an hour ago.

  Me: I’m not running out on you. Declan and I are over and it’s okay, but I couldn’t face him again tonight. Not after what I saw and the things he said to me. I’ll be back tomorrow and we can talk. I’m safe. Will be in school tomorrow until early evening. I’ll try to get home and make us dinner. If you can, please keep him away.

  Ella: Where are you now? We can come get you. You need to come home.

  Me: C U tomorrow. xoxo

  I don’t open any of the messages from Declan because there’s no need. I’m exhausted and emotionally spent. Since fall break is soon, so are exams. I have several group projects to get done as well. At least I can stay busy enough to keep my mind off of him until I get him out of my system.

  Finn walks in and hands me some aspirin and more water. “Rave, you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m going to go to sleep now. I’ve cried enough over the last two days to cover a few years. I was stupid to think someone like him would be into me. I thought we’d made a special connection, but as soon as we had one misunderstanding, he found a girl that would sleep with him. I think she was the same girl that provided him with the pictures. I’m going to go home tomorrow after school, but I may need my key back to this place in case I need a hide out. Things will calm down in a few days.”

  “Baby Girl, you don’t even have to ask. The key is yours and we all like having you here.” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “For the record, I was convinced he was into you for the long run. He’s an incredible asshole for what he’s done. But if you care for him, maybe you should sit down and talk things out.”

  “Nothing to say, Finn, nothing to say. We were only officially seeing each other for a few weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. I thought he wanted to get to know me and he really listened. I wasn’t ready to tell him about our secret. It’s not a big deal to me, but I wanted him to like me for me- not because of my family. I love you for caring about me. Thanks you for helping me out tonight.”

  “I love you too. Now go to sleep.”

  Chapter 18

  I’m Not Giving Up

  Things at the house are seemingly good. The girls and I don’t talk much about what happened and I insist they don’t get in the middle of it. I’ve managed to stay away from Declan the entire week. He comes by the house and texts me daily, but I never acknowledge him. Every day I find a note on my door or a flower in the kitchen with my name next to it. He keeps insisting nothing happened between him and Sami, but I know what I saw.

  I knew he was playing last Thursday night so I made dinner for the girls and me. We settled in for a night of mindless TV. It was a little harder to avoid him over the weekend, but I skipped yoga and spent most of Saturday at the library. Saturday night I went to the movies with Ella and Finn and then spent the night at his house. I went to my parents’ house on Sunday. Robbie and I spent the day watching football and drinking beer. I stayed there since the Titans were playing Sunday Night Football.

  Robbie knows what happened, but when he tries to bring it up, I shut him down.

  “Look, Rave, I know he fucked up. But I get the feeling he wants to talk to you. Maybe he didn’t screw around with that girl and he wants to explain. I saw how into you he was the night of the gala and it’s obvious you were crazy about him.”

  “For God’s sake, he became jealous and irrational. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. I think that shows just how much he cared about me. Can we not mention it again?”

  “I’ll drop it, but you need to know he’s been contacting Finn to check on you. He hasn’t forgotten about you at all.”

  Shit! I wonder what he’s said to Finn. You know what? I don’t care.

  *****

  Since its Monday ni
ght, I have dance and then I need to work on my portion for a group project in one of my classes. It’s been a week since I saw Declan and Sami at his house. My mood has improved slightly, but I still feel raw.

  I’m preoccupied in my head so I don’t notice the Yukon parked on the street when I get home. I get halfway up the walk before I see him in the doorway. I immediately freeze, taking in his appearance. His clothes are wrinkled and he hasn’t shaved, but he still looks hot. I see the ring in his lip and notice he’s lapping his lips over it to turn it. It’s incredibly sexy. Before I can do anything stupid, I turn to my car. I need to get out of here. I’m almost to the driver’s door when he meets up with me.

  “Raven, please talk to me. I am so fucking sorry! SO FUCKING SORRY! I’m a complete asshole and I never deserved you. I made a snap judgment when I saw those pictures. I was crazy jealous because I spent the best night of my entire life with you. You had started to open up to me and I knew we had something special. But when I saw you on the arms of those other guys and the way they looked at you, I thought something was going on. I felt like an idiot and I took it out on you. Please come inside and talk to me.”

  He’s so close to me that I almost can’t breathe. Every time I take a breath, I can smell his scent and I’m instantly taken back to sleeping in his arms. I know I’m about to break so I turn to the door and yank it open. Before I go, I decide to say something.

  “You know, Declan, I could have handled almost all of what happened between us. I could have overlooked the jealousy. I was hurt that you didn’t talk to me before jumping to conclusions, but I was raised around guys so I could relate. But what really hurt me, and what I can’t handle, is you showing up here with a lipstick stain on your shirt not twelve hours after our incredible night. Then when I track you down at your house, I see you with Sami who’s looking all smug and satisfied like she had just been freshly fucked. I may not put out, but I know what satisfaction looks like. I won’t be that girl, Declan. I told you that in the beginning and I meant it.